Vats Ze Vay (uh-huh, uh-huh) Ve Lyk It

Replacing the English Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

(from dad)

The Blondes or the Aussies. Which are Dumber?

True Australian Ghost Story

This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, (blogger's note: not quite sure if it's really this guy...) a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on! The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve.

John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realised he was crying and....wasn't drunk.

About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce.. here's the f*cking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it."



Curtains

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room,they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo .. I've got Windoooooows!"

The List

ah, that time of that year is here again, and well, just wanna list a few of the funk-a-delic stuff that are topping my wish list! (it's all affordable, not like my rubbish list on deborah's notebook. haha, but there's actually no need to get anything at all)

1.) The Sandman vol. 5 'A Game of You' by Neil Gaiman.
yeah man, this comic rocks my socks! it's published by Vertigo, and it typically has a black cover and costs about S$20-S$30, depending on the thickness. the cheapest place to get it will probably be at Comics Mart at Cine downtown at Orchard Road. they may not stock it though. the next best place will probably be Borders at Taka.

2.) The Sandman vol. 6 'Fables and Reflections' by Neil Gaiman.
refer to the above, but if there's the remotest-est possibility that there's already someone getting vol.5, then there'll be this one too. (there's up to volume 11, if you're curious).

3.) 'Singles' by Suede.
this CD is damn funky man! marketted by Sony Music. i'm listening to it now, (it's my Lucas' and so i've gotta return it to him one day, right?) anyway, there's not exciting new bands around nowadays, so if you wanna look for good music, try the older bands, like Suede, REM, and RHCP.

4.) 'Greatest Hits' by REM
yeah. i'm really really dying for new music. gah. actually if there a way to get some solid muzak. and what better way to get it then listening to these legendary bands?

5.) Cash
heh, don't we all want this?

hehe...nevermind guys, (if there's anyone actually reading this...) you can just ignore this totally. haha. take care, and good luck for your A's and whatever k?

Books

Okay, since i'm reading a really nice book now, i just thought i'd share with you the 5 must read books around.

1.) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
i absolutely adored this book. as a kid reading it or as a (semi) adult, this book's no less enchanting. there's the wacky glass elevator, the off-the-rocker Mr Wonka, and the never-quiet Oompa-Loompas.

2.) Man and Boy by Tony Parsons
just in case you thought guys were crap at parenting, you're right. haha, but at least this story is touching, and it provides us with the ultimate average view of life from a helpless young father after his wife leaves him, due to his screwing around. nice read....

3.) The Thornbirds by Colleen McCulough
this is a great epic story about a family who lived on a farm in new zealand in squalid soroundings, and how they overcome all odds to prevail amidst the melancholy of life. set in the 20s (i think) this story spans three generations, and involves priests, bushfires, tragedies, and germans.

4.) Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
this book paints a vivid picture of the life of the geisha Sayuri, who got plucked from a humble fishing village to become a successful geisha in the 1930s to 1940s. i'm still reading this book and i'm really enjoying the read.

5.) The Rape of Nanking
okay, i forgot who wrote this, 'coz i read this a long time ago, but it left a lingering taste of the violence of the japanese invasion of the city of nanjing.